There are times throughout our lives when we struggle to know what are purpose is, why things happen to us and so on….
At this point in my life I have been searching for the true meaning of happiness, stability and complete contentment. All of these things combined can be difficult to find. At least all at once. Through trial and error you may experience 1 or 2 at a time, but just because you are happy does not mean that you are content with how your life is. As human beings and especially being a mom, sometimes it can be difficult to know who you are and where your place is outside of mommy-hood. I have been a mom for 17 years, and there have been plenty of times where I have experienced happiness with my life along with stability, but lost in knowing my place for myself as a human being. We get so caught up in doing the daily things of what are kids need, we forget to take care of ourselves. To find peace and gratification in ourselves. It’s true that being a mom is amazing! But what happens when our kids grow up and we have put so much time and energy into raising our children, then suddenly realize that, individually, you no longer have an identity other than being so and so’s mom. Finding a balance can be difficult.
I do not claim to know it all, but I do try my best to inspire others and remind myself of why life is precious. My 17 year old has shown me that “Mommy” won’t be needed in the same way forever. He would rather hang out with friends then lame, old mom. That’s ok, we all go through that. A time where we try to find ourselves and show that we can do it on our own and family is just a back support.
But the question is….. How do we have happiness, contentment and stability?
I always thought that you could have all of these things by providing a warm, safe home for your family. But there was always something missing. Maybe some of you are better at this than I am, but I have had a roller-coaster ride as a parent. I have loved my children from the moment I found out I was pregnant with my 1st child. I remember rubbing my belly and making a promise, “I will love you forever and always take care of you”. As each new child came along, my heart grew bigger and bigger. I never knew that you could love 4 people the same amount, in different ways. They each brought new life to me. Happiness!
I was stable, I was happy, but I was not content….
It wasn’t until I had a stillborn a few years ago that I started to realize how fragile life is and I was living my life for children that would soon not need me as much and would one day leave me.
I was in shock…. Who am I?
It’s difficult to be selfish when you are a parent. Life revolves around your children because you want the best for them. You want them to be happy, stable and content in their lives. But how can we show them these things if we aren’t these things ourselves?
So the journey began to figure out how I was going to accomplish these things and prove to my children the importance of having all 3 of these things.
I began to change my attitude, my views on life and those around me. I began to open my eyes to the world around me and think, “How can I ‘better‘, not only my life, but those around me as well?”. The key to happiness I found are the 3 main things that I have mentioned. Having these things are easier said than done sometimes. I began by looking at the people around me – are they happy, do they speak positively? If the people surrounding me are not happy and content with themselves, how are they influencing my life? So, I decided to start with speaking positively and being around people that added happiness to my life. I began to learn who I am, what my goals in life are (outside of mommy-hood), and having stability in myself.
See, we can have monetary stability such as: where we live, having the same people around us, working at a good job that provides money. But True Stability is when we are content in ourselves and how we view ourselves as individuals. It took me a while to figure that out. I remember as a child thinking, my kids won’t move around like I did because I want them to have stability. Yes, that is part of it, but what I’ve learned is that the sense of stability is not about where you are physically, it’s more about where your heart is. Internal stability last a lot longer and offers happiness because you become content in who you are and where your life is leading.
That’s why these 3 things are so important! Stability – Happiness – Contentment
I cannot tell you how to find these things for yourself, that is what your mission should be! Mine has been a long, (sometimes) hard lesson to learn. But, I found it! I have stability in knowing who I am, what I want, and how I want others to perceive me. I have found pure happiness in these things, and I am content in myself and where my life is leading. As a mom, these things help me to find a balance. When my 5 year old grows up, I will not be left wondering who I am, and what am I going to do now. My #1 goal is to be a good mom, to have memories with my children and help them grow into amazing individuals. But, you cannot forget about yourself!